Allison's Birth: Braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem

As a doula and a Certified Professional Midwife’s apprentice I see all kinds of births and they are all special. But some of them are just extra special… Births that I know I’ll never forget.

Such was the case with Allison. Her birth happened recently, but I think I’ll remember it for the rest of my life.

When I met Allison at the midwife’s house for her first prenatal, her happy, easy-going ways immediately made me think that she would be a fun client to work with. Her bleached blonde hair, perfect tan, and French manicure made me wonder for just a second if she would find it difficult to just “let go” when labor happened. Would she be able to listen to her body, make the sounds that she needed to make, and assume the positions that she needed to when it came time to birth a baby? Would she be worrying about her makeup or simply focus inward and do what needed to be done? How would she do without any kind of pain medication at home?

She and her husband were totally confident that they could and would do this birth naturally just fine, and had no concerns. They didn't know anyone who had ever had a homebirth, but they were so excited about planning their birth. Her husband was a respiratory therapist and had worked in the medical field for years. Their midwife asked, “So why do you want to do a homebirth? After all, your insurance would even cover your birth in hospital, right?”

Rick and Allison looked at each other and smiled. “We’ve known for years that we would never have our baby in the hospital unless we had to! Rick has seen too much stuff there, and my mom is a labor and delivery nurse there and she’s always telling us stories. We would just rather stay home and have one on one care with someone who knows us as more than a patient number for their shift. We want somebody that knows US and what we want and what my health has been like….”

* * * *

When Allison was about a week overdue, I got a call: "Allison's in labor. Her water just broke, but she’s not really having any contractions right now.”

As I was driving to Allison’s house, her midwife called me to update me on the latest.

Allison had come to see her over the weekend because she wasn’t sure if she was in early labor or not with mild contractions.

”I learned some things about her pelvis that I wasn’t aware of before…” Joanne said, a hint of worry creeping into her voice. And then she said it: “I just don’t think her pelvis is big enough for any baby to fit through!”

I was a little shocked, because it had never come up as an issue at any of the prenatals with Joanne that I had been present for.

Joanne explained that she had not done any kind of vaginal exams early in pregnancy at Allison’s request. She had done Allison’s first vaginal exam when Allison and Rick had come over, wondering if she was dilating. And Allison had never seemed like the kind of person who would have a pelvic issue. She wasn’t petite and seemed to have a very average frame.

Joanne had NEVER worried about anyone else's pelvis during any of the births I had ever assisted her with. Sure, some women had to push longer and harder to get their babies out, but they usually always succeeded in birthing their babies vaginally. CPD had seemed basically non-existent in Joanne’s practice. Until today.

She thought that the inlet and mid-pelvis was adequate. With Allison, it was the outlet (nearest the perineum) that felt so tight during the vaginal exam.

We pulled up at Rick and Allison’s home and there she was - happy and walking around excitedly in early labor. Joanne did a check for dilation (2 cm.) and then said, "Can Mary check you, too? She needs some more practice."

Allison didn't mind, except that every time anyone inserted two fingers (ever so gently and slowly when she was comfortable) to check, she would totally screw up her face and clench her pillow and say, "Owwwww! My tailbone hurts SOOO bad!" That seemed kind of odd. Her midwife commented that her tailbone had been that sore the day before, too when she had done the first exam.

Then Joanne told Rick and Allison that we were going out to breakfast to give them a bit of quiet resting time to themselves in early labor. They liked that idea, and we left.

As soon as we drove away, Joanne turned to me and said, "Did you feel what I'm talking about with her pelvis?! I wanted you to feel that. That’s why I asked if you could check, too."

I exclaimed, "Did I ever! I'm thinking the exact same thing you are. HOW is a baby going to fit through THERE?!"

When I had checked Allison, it seemed as though the very outlet of her pelvis where the base of my fingers rested barely had room for more than three of my fingers. Joanne said that she estimated at the widest part, her pelvic outlet seemed to be not more than 6 cm (that's bone, plus think flesh, then try to get a space 10 cm wide and get a head through there!).

Joanne told me that Allison's horribly sore pelvis seemed to confirm to her that her pelvis was, even though tiny, doing it's best to expand for labor.

As we drove on, Joanne sighed. "I don't think she's going to get this baby out no matter how long she pushes, but if she DOES, I think she's going to break her tailbone. This is probably one of those cases of true CPD, and I feel so bad for her because the reality of a C-section hasn't even crossed her mind."

I asked her what she had told Allison about her pelvis. She told me that she had only told her half the truth when she checked her the day before, saying, "You seem to have a marginal pelvis, and I think you are going to have to work harder than most people to get a baby out. But I think you can do it."

Joanne added, "I’m really not very sure about the thinking she can do it part, but we can only wait and see what happens when she starts pushing."

We went back to the house after breakfast, and Allison was munching on a granola bar and doing hula stuff with her hips and walking and swaying constantly. It looked like she had been to a belly dance class.

She did that all day long. She never stopped moving. She constantly paced, and swayed, and swiveled her hips and sat rocking on the birth ball. A couple of times, her midwife and I begged her to rest for five minutes, knowing she had a long, exhausting journey ahead once she started pushing.

Every time she got into a new position for a contraction, if it was more uncomfortable that way, she'd say, "Ooooh! This really hurts!"

We'd look at her and say, "Well, you can try something else... You don’t have to hurt yourself more!"

But throughout her entire labor her response every single time was, "No, this feels like it's opening me up and I want to bring it on! The more intense, the better! More, baby! Ooooh! Owie! This is powerful stuff!" She put herself in the most uncomfortable positions because she thought it would help her move things along. What could we say? We were impressed with her strength and determination. We just hoped that somehow she could and would birth this baby. She would be crushed if a c-section became necessary. But we kept our thoughts to ourselves.

As labor progressed through the afternoon, she became deeply focused between contractions (instead of watching a movie, talking, eating). Allison started to do all sorts of things that had her midwife and I exchanging some strange glances.
She looked like she was doing an instructional video for the The Labor Progress Handbook! We knew that she had never read any doula or labor progress books or seen these positions anywhere, so our mouths dropped open as she proceeded to do things like the double hip squeeze (pressing in on the top of the pelvis with a contraction, widening the outlet), the lunge and then she went into doing the lunge with one foot up on a chair and a huge, low, wide, squat with every contraction for hours. She'd hang on her husband and go lower and lower and wider and wider, saying, "Owwiee! This is wooorking!"

It would have been fun to try to keep up with charting her postions - she must have done at least twenty different ones, with no guidance from us! She would do something, and then say, "Is this okay? Should I do something else?"

We kept telling her that she looked like she was doing every position for opening the pelvis that we'd ever seen in a book and it looked like her body was telling her exactly what to do.

She'd smile and say, "Well, it hurts, but I want to do it. It just feels right." She was amazingly in touch with her body and so instinctual about everything she did!

By 5 pm that night, she was almost 10 cm, but because of the tight fit of baby's head and the pelvis, the anterior part of the cervix was getting "dragged down" with the head as the baby descended. The lip of the cervix that was in front of the head and under the pubic bone was starting to swell. The baby was descending, but stretching the anterior cervix along with it. It was such a tight fit in there that her midwife wasn’t even sure how to move the cervix back above the head. Finally, around 6 pm Joanne started trying to hold it back, from being shoved down any farther. She let Allison start pushing; trying to get the head past the cervix, hoping it would soon stay behind the head. But, because it was so tight in there, Joanne had an extremely difficult time holding it back. (Her fingers would get compressed between head and pubic bone, and baby started to mold around her fingers!)

Allison pushed and pushed and pushed (mostly on a birthing stool with her husband sitting behind her, encircling her with his arms and her gripping his knees.). At 8 pm, she finally got the head past the cervix.

The baby's heart rate sounded wonderful throughout pushing, so she just kept going and going and going.

We weren't "directing" her pushing, just telling her what a great job she was doing, but she voluntarily did the "purple pushing" like people are often coached to do in the hospital for four and a half hours! I've never seen anyone do that at home without being "forced" to. I guess she knew what she needed! Joanne and I watched in amazement as she pushed and pushed and pushed. Her face was red and purple and the sweat poured off her. This beautiful lady was working harder than we had ever seen anyone work! In spite of dissolving into sobs between contractions at the sheer frustration and hardness of what she was doing, she never said, “I can’t do this!” She seemed to have an iron will to get her baby through her pelvis.

And her baby’s heart rate never showed any sign of stress. Who were we to say that she couldn’t do it?

At 10:00 pm, we started to see head. And at 10:30 pm, we had a little 6 ½ pound baby boy with a very tiny, very coned head and a woman who had just become a mother, absolutely beside herself that SHE DID IT!

So much for a woman with a literal 6 cm diameter pelvic opening!

She did it anyway!

So much for a woman who seemed impossibly tiny to birth a baby!

She did it anyway!

Less then three minutes after she finished those four and half grueling hours of pushing, she caught her breath, looked at her little boy and said, "You're so worth every bit of work I just did to get you here!"

I glanced over at Joanne and saw tears glistening in her eyes. I knew that she had to be just as proud as I was of this woman who had showed us that women are braver than they believe and stronger than they seem!

Dear "Sarah": There IS Hope for a Better Birth!

Sarah,

When I read your email, my heart went out to you. I know of so many women who dread to think of having another baby... because of the trauma of labor and birth. Some of my friends, even though they've wanted another baby, have told me that they've cried to see the little pink line appear on their pregnancy test, as reality hit them and they knew that once again they would be subject to a overwhelmingly painful labor in a few short months.

I can't promise that this birth will be different for you, even if you do everything suggested. Some women have relatively easy births. And some women have agonizing births. I've learned over the years, it's not all about whether the woman is a wimp or not or whether she thinks positive thoughts, or whether she just hasn't yet discovered the pain coping technique that "works for her."

You are absolutely right. Some of the most painful and overwhelming labors are those that happen so fast. Women talk about 12 or 20 hours of painful labor, and then say, "What?! You got away with 2 hours of labor?!" In reality, what most of them don't realize is that many times a 2 hour labor is just like compressing the 12 or 20 hours that they experienced into a fraction of the time. So, yes, it is often even more overwhelming, relentless, and excruciatingly painful. There is not magic solution to slow your labor down and let it hit you with the normal intensity that most women experience, but there are certainly some things that you can do to make it a better memory.

Some women try everything and still, they have miserable labors and/or births.

For many women,

Getting prepared is good, but it doesn't fix everything.

Being well-supported is good, but it doesn't fix everything.

Being in the right environment is good, but it doesn't fix everything.

Neither does trusting your care team,

or being in water

or being upright

or being in bed

or planning to "just ask for pain meds"

or listening to music

or being at home

or being in the hospital

or eating handfuls of Vitamin C tablets

or overdosing on Calcium and Magnesium in labor

or eating more beans during pregnancy

or the hundred other things that friends, magazines,
websites and other helpful people will recommend!

Sometimes you do everything right (I'm not implying that all of the above are "right" or a good idea) and STILL your birth is a miserable experience.

But I can offer you hope. Rarely does a women come to birth well prepared, well supported, choosing the right environment and the right care provider for her situation and still hate the way it turned out.

A friend of mine who I'll call Susan has had 8 children. They've all been hospital births, mostly with epidurals. One was a forceps delivery that damaged her son's spinal column for life. One of the middle kids was a c-section for an emergency that arose in labor. She has polyhydramnios (too much amniotic fluid in pregnancy) and she has borderline gestational diabetes. Sometimes her doctors control her diabetes with insulin, sometimes she controls it with diet. She's been induced for part of her labors. Other times she's labored naturally for about 24 hours before making little progress and succumbing to an epidural.

Susan has talked about how horrible birth is for as long as I can remember. As a teenager, my mental picture of birth was partly painted by the things Susan would tell me about her births. I shuddered to think that birth had to be that hard and that for her, the only saving grace was an epidural.

When she became pregnant with her eighth and last child, I had recently taken some doula training, and offered to be at her birth. With very little experience and only a stack of books to loan her, she began unloading on me the full horrors of her past birth experiences. She explained how she never goes into a normal contraction pattern once she gets past about 5 centimeters dilation. She said, "The doctors always come in and look at my fetal monitor strip and say, 'Wow. You don't do contractions like most women. You just have one long contraction till you start to push.' "

She explained how her contractions all melt into one, and she only gets a short break of a minute or less every half hour or so. "So, you see why I can't do it without the epidural," she explained. I totally understood. If I had one long contraction for 48 hours, I'd be begging to get signed up for the epidural as well! I felt very powerless to change what her body does to her. After all, this had happened seven times now, right?

But I encouraged her to work towards what she wished her birth experience could be, even if it wasn't likely to happen that way. She began reading books on Natural Childbirth and for the first time in her life she was saying, "Oh, I wish my labors were normal so I could do them without the epidural...." She really did want a natural birth, but she felt that would be absolutely impossible in her situation. Nevertheless, she prayed desperately that somehow this baby would be born differently. My dear friend had endured 30-40 hours of torture with other earlier births before getting the epidural, and saw no point in doing that to herself again with this one. I didn't disagree with her decision, just tried to be supportive.

The day came when she wondered if she was in labor. We headed to the hospital to see. Contractions were regular, but not very painful or strong. Things were most likely just putsing around. The doctor gloved up and reached for the cervix, when his eyebrows shot up.

"Oh, my!" he exclaimed. "Have you been doing this labor for awhile?"

"Well," she said, "Kind of all day, but I pretty much ignored it and went on with my work because I had a lot going on."

"Well, you're going to be happy. You're a stretchy 7 centimeters!"

Now we looked shocked. She the most shocked as she stammered, "I've never experienced 7 centimeters without an epidural! Never! I've never been able to handle it by the time I get to 5 centimeters. Usually by then I'm climbing the walls with pain, and there is no break between contractions! And usually by the time I get to 5, I've been in labor for at least 24 hours!"

An hour later, Susan was sitting on the birth ball, still smiling and talking between contractions.

An hour later, after the doctor broke her water, she was declared completely dilated and ready to push with her next contraction. Things were getting intense at that point as she was in transition and crying, "I can't do this. It hurts so bad!"

Then for ten whole minutes, her husband, the doctor, the nurse, and I just stood and waited for a contraction that didn't happen. Susan kept looking around the room and saying, "This is so weird. It's surreal. Is something wrong? Why am I not contracting anymore?"

The doctor wisely smiled. "Oh," he said, "Sometimes this happens. It's usually just your body giving you a little break for what's ahead..."

Soon the contractions resumed and she set to work pushing, which she had never experienced without an epidural. Even though she could feel what she was doing, and was being more effective that her usual pushing, she hated the feeling. Fifteen minutes of pushing, a few screams, yelps, blowing and breathing, a few more,"I can't do it's" and "Yes, you can! You're moving your baby down" later, she had a chubby pink baby girl in her hands.

Sobbing, and panting she looked over at me and said, "I don't know how that happened like that! I can't believe I just had a baby like that! I wanted a natural birth. I never thought I'd get one, but I did! God is so good!"

Years later, she still talks about her birth to almost every woman she meets, telling them that birth isn't always bad, and there is always hope that you can have a "good" birth, no matter how many miserable experiences you've had.

She's asked me over and over again what it was that I did for her to miraculously change her birth experience. I have told her over and over that I honestly didn't do anything except answer her questions, breathe with her, get her extra pillows, and show her husband where counter-pressure felt good on her back during labor. I didn't do anything special, but her body obviously did a totally new labor pattern that she had never experienced with her seven previous babies.

I don't know what happened or why that birth was different. All I know is that her last birth radically changed her life. Instead of feeling helpless and at the mercy of a "dysfunctional body," she's never forgot how empowered she felt to push out her own baby and to see her body work perfectly fine.

I wish for you the same miracle.

In the meantime, though, I suggest that you do everything you can to prepare for the birth you've always wished to have.

I recommend an experienced doula as #1 on your list.

When you are experiencing overwhelming contractions, it makes all the difference in the world to have someone there to walk through each one with you, and keep you centered, helping you to stay on top of the pain. Of course, husbands are great and it sounds like your husband does a great job helping you through labor, but they can also be so emotionally pulled into your pain that they can't focus on your need in the same calm, reassuring way that a motherly doula can. It is optimal to have one person there to focus on whatever you want physically (back pressure, massage, cool washcloth for your forehead, etc) and one person there who is going to stay right at your face constantly during every contraction, watching your every facial expression, and listening to everything you do so that they can totally focus on where you are at "in your head" and walk you through the contraction one at a time. Find a doula who is experienced and has attended at least a few dozen births in that role. Someone who you feel comfortable with and can trust. Many doulas are certified through ALACE (http://alace.org/) or DONA (http://dona.org/), but other very good and qualified doulas have attended hundreds of hospital births, but have never been certified. Interview them thoroughly. Who do you like? Who seems to understand how you feel about birth and what you wish could be different? Who do you feel completely comfortable with?

My #2 recommendation would be to evaluate whether your birthing location and caregiver are appropriate and best for your situation.

You may have always went to the hospital and used an obstetrician for your births, but perhaps your situation would be more appropriately handled at home with an experienced, well-trained midwife. That is a decision that you will have to make, based on lots of research and reading. Of course, you may be a person with certain risk factors that makes a hospital birth a necessity. If so, or if you just aren't comfortable with a homebirth, then make sure that you have the best doctor (or hospital based CNM) and hospital for your particular situation. Is your doctor committed to helping you have the best birth possible? Is s/he sensitive to your wishes and needs during labor and birth? Do they adhere rigidly to protocols and procedures that are typical, but not evidence-based? Will your doctor allow you to labor in whatever position/use whatever comfort techniques are helpful to you?
Many people think of homebirth as more "risky" than typical hospital birth. It can be when not done right or not properly attended. But when properly attended, it can actually be safer for healthy, low-risk women. I encourage you to do your research carefully. All of the quality homebirth studies show that planned homebirth (when attended by a well-trained midwife) is equal or safer in outcomes for mothers and babies, with far less interventions like c-sections and forceps/vacuum delivery. Of course, there are things that can occur at home that would be better handled in the hospital, because they have the technology/machines to deal with that particular situation. But, on the other hand, there are many situations that occur in the hospital (think: under staffing, more medical errors, infection rates) that would be more safely handled at home. The risk factors for home and hospital birth are different. But that does not mean that there are more risks at home for healthy low risk women attended by experienced, knowledgeable midwives. If, after much research, you decide that homebirth is for you, do some more research and talk with your midwife about the possibility of water birth. Obviously, it's not for everyone and benefits and risks should be carefully considered. But, for many women who have really intense, painful births, having a water birth makes all the difference in the world to them. Waterbirth International (Barbara Harper, author of Gentle Birth Choices) offers lots of resources in this area.

There are many, many ideas out there for reducing the pain of labor. Some of them have been suggested in the comments section of the previous post. Many of them have not been mentioned on this blog. As I find time, I will post more ideas for you.

Regardless of who you decide to have deliver your baby, and where you decide to give birth, I hope that you will think it through carefully and research your options. Birth is never something to be taken lightly. On one hand, it carries with it a life and death responsibility, and on the other hand, it can be the most joyous, beautiful day of your life!

Plan for your birth to be better this time, know that it can be, and then take steps towards making that happen!

And whatever happens, I applaud you for your bravery to experience natural, unmedicated childbirth to give your baby the best start possible. You are among the bravest 10% of American women who experience labor with no pain medication!

Sarah's Births - "Will I always Scream and Find the Pain Unbearable?"

Since the last post, I have received a number of emails from women asking all sorts of questions... telling sad birth stories, asking if things could have been different for them.

I decided that rather than try to respond to each person individually, I would try to respond to some of these emails on my blog as I have been given permission.

So, here is the first email I will respond to.
First, though, while I am composing a reply, I thought I'd put it out there for the rest of you to comment on. Please do suggest anything that you think might be helpful for this mother. I look forward to hearing your ideas and even just your stories, validating what she has experienced. It is the worst feeling to feel like you are the only person in the world with a particular problem or experience.
I know from my years of experience as a doula that "Sarah" is not alone and there are many women who are like her.
If you would like to reply to her off-list, feel free to email me at: betterbirth4you {at} gmail {dot} com and I will gladly forward your messages to her as well.

Thank you!



Hi Mary,
I am wondering if there is a way I could have a less painful birth experience. I am pretty certain that we are pregnant right now with our fourth baby. Our three previous births have all been with midwives (but not at home)who never encouraged "purple pushing", but my births are horribly painful toward the end.

I have a very high tolerance for pain, but I still end up screaming every time. Our first birth was by far the worst. It was so traumatic for me that I literally cried for almost a year any time I actually thought about what I had been through. Just remembering the pain brought back tears. I screamed with every contraction for five or six hours before our little girl was born.

Then I had trouble with bleeding afterward, as I have with every one of our births. My uterus does not want to contract back into shape after the baby is out, so I lie there in a happy state of shock, bleeding away. It is always scary to everyone but me. I turn pale, and hardly feel a thing. I am totally happy to have a little baby in my arms and to be out of pain, but everyone else sees the blood and my paling face and gets worried. That's after the birth...

Before the baby is born, this is what it is like. My early contractions are usually tolerable until I get to about four centimeters. I wince and ache, but I can pace and breathe through them. Then at that point, my body usually kicks in high gear and I dilate the rest of the way very quickly. Once my body decides to get serious I can go from four to ten centimeters in half an hour. This period is so intensely painful that I choose to start pushing as soon as I am fully dilated because I can't stand the pain. The pain is especially intense in my lower back, so I usually birth in a hands and knees position while my husband pushes HARD on my lower back with his fist/knuckles, which helps a little, and which I really appreciate. I push the baby out as fast as I can because I am screaming and exhausted and I can't stand the thought of slowing down and allowing the pain to linger a moment longer than it has to.

I always wondered if I was wierd. I know that nurses don't seem to be used to the screaming. I never hear screaming when I know the woman down the hall is giving birth, too. It's a little embarassing for me. I am definitely not a dramatic type of person who would choose to put on a show like this. And I am definitely not just screaming because I think it's therapeutic or something. It just really is THAT bad. I can't stop it or help it.

When I have spoken about this, other women tend to doubt that it could have been this way for me. It seems like outright screaming is unusual. I never knew that it was until I started reading other people's birth stories. No screaming. I have even heard people say that they experienced almost no pain at the very end, that all their pain came during dilation, whereas my pain just kept going until the baby was born.

My births are done without pain medication. They never give me pitocin until after the baby is born, to deal with the bleeding problem.

Am I doing something wrong? Is there a way I could do this differently? Have you ever worked with someone like me? Do you have any thoughts on this?
Any ideas or words of wisdom you could share with me would be greatly appreciated! Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Sincerely,

"Sarah"